A Love Letter To My Younger Self

and for my future self, too, when life is too hard it makes me forget my true nature.

1, Rest is the key to merging timelines. You don’t need to bend or force anything to make it happen. It happens the moment you stop grasping or chasing but allow yourself to have quality rest. When you finally allow your body to fully surrender, recharge, and restore, there's truly no difference between the you who has $500 in your bank account and the you who has $12,000 in your bank account. Rest is a practice. You will want to run a million miles far away from this stillness, until your nervous system learns over time that it’s safe for your body to soften. Even though your conscious mind thought that you had already opted out of toxic productivity culture, you still have inherited the nervous system of your ancestors. The guilt and shame are real and they arise from time to time when you lay down to rest. They are inevitable until you rewrite the story. Take your time. Give yourself compassion. You’re not just doing this for yourself, you’re breaking the cycle for your whole lineage. 

2, It seems like the universe always stops you from entering a relationship because you’re still undergoing a huge transformation. Your energy fluctuates all the time, and it means that you go from one timeline to another all the time too. When you wonder why the strong vision you received never came true, it is because your action in every nanosecond leads to different outcomes. The vision you once had may not be in the reality of you choosing to respect yourself. It’s actually a blessing not to commit to anything or anyone during that time when you’re unstable. Of course it’s different for everyone, but this is your own specific karmic soul contract. Rest assured that one day you will feel so grounded and rooted in yourself. One day your heart, your mind, and the divine timing will all align, the new door will open for you.

3, People are truly mirrors. Even though there’s an opinion out there that says the opposite, at least at this time we know that this fact is true to us. I know there are moments that you don’t care if it’s a lesson or whatsoever, triggers and jealousy just consume all of you. That’s a good thing, I think, to say yes fully to your human experience. 

The feeling is like when you open the comment section and see all the toxic hate and ugly bitterness of humanity when they see other people's success. I just want you to know that you are allowed to feel that way, let’s be honest. You’re allowed to feel envious, jealous, upset, bitter, pitiful, resentful, even hatred, and all the emotions that you see lots of content out there associated with “low vibration”. No, LET YOURSELF FUCKING FEEL. Ironically enough, it's how we restore our human-ness. Because it doesn’t stop there, you know that so well, right? Because even with all the messiness and raw emotions, first, you’re a soul, literal light, wrapped in flesh, and second, we reach the point of collective evolution that the unprocessed shadow no longer wants to stay in the shadow. It will come out eventually, and we all have the choice how to deal with it either way wink. Let what you feel become a catalyst for your transformation. Only then will you trust yourself even more to stop hiding and start standing in your power. The kind of power that will serve humanity and do good to the people. 

4, Your body is not broken. There’s nothing wrong with your body that you think needs to be “fixed”. Yes, even with the irregular period and some random minor health issues. Your body is extremely smart. It is exactly how it’s meant to be. To tell us what’s out of alignment. That is the purpose. Don’t fix your body, but take this given opportunity to take a closer look at your lifestyle, what’s happening in your outer and inner world. You can’t force your body to function the way you want it to be, or the idea of what it means to be healthy you read on the internet. You can only give your body time, care, extra love, and extra extra compassion. Observe, listen, notice. Build a unique relationship with your own body. Your home for this lifetime. That’s how you will actually start working with your body and not against it. 

5, Your creative project has the heartbeat of its own. You can’t force or control it in the way and the timeframe that you want. I understand deeply your worries of what happens if I surrender because I am you. So trust me in this: the reason why it doesn’t happen the way you desperately want it to be is that you’re meant for something bigger and truer. Feel into your motivation behind that. Is it actually purely coming from your heart or is that because of something else? 

6, Instead of obsessively asking the oracle (cards), remember: You are the Oracle. 

7, Surrender doesn’t necessarily mean letting go of everything or stopping taking action. Surrender means breathing through, holding space for, and staying present in the discomfort of the unknown. Take one step at a time toward your vision while making space for the divine plan. Surrender means learning to hold yourself gently with compassion, even when you don’t have all the answers, when things don’t go as planned.

8, Show up, even if it’s imperfect, because it’s the only way to get unstuck and to grow. Dream big, but start small. You’re building a legacy that will stay for a long time; no need to rush it. Learn to hold yourself in the moments of awkwardness and embarrassment. That’s also how you will expand your capacity. 

9, It’s easy to make your needs oblivious, compromise, and quick to say “It’s okay don’t worry!” to make someone feel comfortable because you’re afraid that they will leave. But if you really want to maintain and keep that relationship because you truly appreciate that person, and you know that they appreciate you too, you have to express your true feelings and communicate your needs and wants. Now it’s no longer coming from I desperately need you here because you’re my only friend but rather I cherish our connection and I want you in my life. 

10, Your life circumstances are exactly perfectly as they’re supposed to be. If you want to change your environment and you have everything you need to cover your basic needs, it’s likely a hint to go take a leap of faith out of your comfort zone. If you want to change the environment but you can’t afford to move right now, that’s because life’s still waiting for you to recognize that you can find contentment now by changing your attitude toward life. Depending on your situation, no matter how stuck and desperate you want the external circumstances to change themselves for you, there will always be a way, whether it’s a given opportunity or a change in perspective. Again, you are allowed to feel upset about that. But when you tune into the fact that life is not your enemy but your true ally, everything will shift. You will no longer want to fight against it; you will flow. 

11, Last but not least, I love you. 

If you’re tired, just let everything go for a while and spend as much time out/off work as needed.

It’s okay to change your mind because trying is beautiful. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to feel like you have to make it work in order to earn rest. It’s okay to feel burnout. It’s okay to have low moments and admit to yourself, “I don’t know”. Know that you’re brave and courageous. Know that all are a part of your life journey.

All will help you grow tremendously and become the woman you choose to be.

Just keep going. I know you will always keep going. 

One day everything will fall into its place, exactly where it’s meant to be.

One day you will feel like yourself again, once you reconnect with what makes you feel most alive. What feels the most like you.

Time bends. The once thought impossible now becomes your destiny. 

♡